Carnegie Mellon

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I didn't fight back? Is it my fault?
Submitting to sexual assault to save your life, to keep from being hurt or because you were afraid does not make it any less a crime. Submission is not consent. Sexual assault is never your fault.

Aren't sexual assaults usually committed in dark alleys by strangers?
50% of sexual assaults happen in victims' homes. Nationwide, in 60-80% of sexual assaults, the victim knows the offender.

He's my boyfriend so it can’t be sexual assault, right?
Wrong. No one, not even a partner, has the right to force you to do anything.

Why do I feel so strange?
You have experienced a terrible crime and trauma, but you have survived. Right now, you may have a lot of different feelings and:

• You may not be able to sleep, or you may have nightmares.
• Your eating habits may change.
• You may be afraid to be left alone, or you may want to be left alone.
• You may have trouble concentrating or making decisions.
• Your relationship with your sexual partner may change.

Will I ever recover?
Recovery is a process that is different for everyone. Sometimes the first reaction is shock, disbelief, and fear. You may respond by appearing very upset or by appearing calm and controlled. You may be unsure who to tell or what to do, and may not even be sure of how you feel.
As time passes, you will begin to work through the trauma in your own way. You may feel the need to change your address, job, or lifestyle in order to gain a sense of control and safety.

If you feel you are sliding backward or feeling unable to cope with the sexual assault, it is important for you to remember that what you are going through is very common. Treat yourself gently and try not to put heavy demands on yourself. You still may not feel like yourself and may feel upset at times, but hopefully these periods will become briefer and less frequent as time goes by.

People have a wide range of reactions and recovery experiences following a sexual assault. It may help to talk to counselors who have experience helping sexual assault victims. If, as time goes by, the sexual assault experience seems to be interfering with your life because you can’t sleep, are having trouble concentrating or are feeling depressed, you may find it helpful to seek professional help.

How can family, friends and co-workers help?
Often, family, friends and co-workers want to help, but are unsure about what to do. Be direct about telling them what you think you need or don’t need from them.
You may want to share this section with people in your life. Although there is no “right” way to respond to a victim, those who want to be helpful should:

• Be supportive.
• Be sensitive to the fact that some sexual assault victims don’t want to be touched or hugged.
• Try not to be awkward or to show pity. The sexual assault experience is only one part of a person’s life; try not to let it overshadow everything else.
• Show interest but don’t pry.
• If asked, help in making decisions by offering options about who to tell, whether to report to police, where to stay, etc. without making decisions for the victim.
• Avoid being overly-protective or overly-attentive. Survivors may want to be near others to feel safe and to keep busy, but they may not want to be the center of attention.
• Be patient and understand that because anger and frustration cannot be taken out on the offender, survivors may release their feelings on loved ones. Old problems may get worse and new ones may arise.
• Consider getting counseling for themselves. Counseling can help them maintain the strength and understanding they need.

What is the sexual assault exam or rape kit?
A sexual assault exam is a medical exam done by medical personnel following a sexual assault. You are examined and treated for any injuries, and tested for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, if applicable. During the exam, a rape kit may be completed. This kit is used to collect physical evidence, such as hair or semen, which may provide supportive physical evidence to be used in court.

Should I have the kit completed if I am not sure about reporting to the police?
Having the kit completed as soon as possible after a sexual assault, even if you cannot decide whether to report the assault to the police, can be a good idea. Important evidence may be lost or destroyed as time passes. Magee Women’s Hospital will hold the kit for 30 days to allow you time to decide if you want to give a statement to the police or not. You can still choose not to report to the police.

Should I report the assault to the police?
Reporting an assault to the police is a personal decision. For some, it is an empowering experience whether or not the police choose to pursue the case. For others, it can feel blaming and pointless. Discussing these feelings with a Sexual Assault Advisor or a counselor from CAPS or PAAR can be very helpful. It is beneficial to report an assault as soon as possible if you choose to report. Hospital staff, a PAAR advocate or a Sexual Assault Advisor can contact the police for you, or you may contact them yourself.

NOTE: Although generally the law does not require that you report a sexual assault to the police, in order to be eligible for victim’s compensation, you must report to the police within three days of the assault.

What happens if I report to the police?
If you choose to contact the police, you will need to give them a statement in your own words about what happened to you including a description of the offender if it was a stranger and where the attack happened. You must sign the statement. If later you remember other information, you should call the police to add it to your statement.
You should be careful not to wash or throw out any items related to the assault. You should tell the police about them because they may need to collect these items including clothing or linens as evidence. The police may need to contact you during their investigation. Arrests do not always happen quickly or at all.

A prosecutor or an investigator from the prosecutors may contact you after the offender is arrested. A legal advocate from PAAR or a Sexual Assault Advisor can help you through the legal process.

Adapted from Dartmouth College Sexual Abuse Awareness Program